From the very beginning…
Mother’s POV
A Quiet Weekend
217 years
My little man is gone. As I type, Ian is spending his first weekend away from home; he is staying with his grandmother in Marshall; Ian will be gone the entire weekend – we don’t pick him up until Monday morning. What am I going to do with a full weekend without Ian around? It honestly took me at least a half an hour to let him leave with my mother. I know he is going to be alright, but he was put into a car that drove off without me. Call me hormonal if you want, but I did tear up. I started crying again when I got home and went into our bedroom and noticed the crib. It was 9pm and Ian wasn’t sleeping in it. He wasn’t in the apartment at all. I have been with Ian every hour since he was born. That’s 3 months – or 13 weeks or 88.5 days or 2129 hours – of being constantly with him and now I’m expected to spend 72 hours without him. My arms feel empty.
Okay, I’ll admit, I am being hormonal about this, but I haven’t been in an apartment where he wasn’t there as well. He has been attached to me for a year now (literally considering he was inside me for 9.5 months) and now that he isn’t here, it’s odd and kind of feels wrong.
More General Advice – Part 2
017 years
The following advice was given in response to an email from PJ, who’s going into her last month of pregnancy. Hopefully this makes sense in the context it is given.
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The crying doesn’t end once you give birth either. I’ve had more problems with my tear ducts since Ian was born than prior. It’s nuts.
The episiotomy is still a little sore, but only if I overdo it. You do have to do something to keep it clean, but they’ll tell you about that at the hospital. Basically, if Oakwood does it, they’ll have you wear ice packs for the first day or so (which are pads that had water put on them and then frozen) which may sound weird, but god did they feel good. They also have some other stuff that they’ll say to put on the pads as well, and they do help to some extent. I stopped using the ice packs and the st. john’s wort (I think that’s what it was) once I got home. Motrin will be your best friend. Was there a bandaid on the episiotomy?! Babe, you get stitched up where the sun doesn’t shine and the only person who will ever get close enough to see it will be Chris.
Make sure you have some lanolin cream. I use it probably about once a day and I should be using it more. The only glitch is that you can’t breastfeed again for three hours after you put it on and Ian’s feeding has sometimes been every two hours, so I usually put it on at night and then give him a bottle or something. The lanolin helps with the moisturizing (I think, at least it’s been helping), so I haven’t had any cracking and bleeding (yet, knock on wood). You can’t pump for two weeks after delivery, but I’ve really only pumped twice since I’ve been home and both times were because I HAD to. Trust me when I say this, you won’t feel the urge to pump right away because you’ll be wanting to spend your time doing other things. It takes just as long to pump as it does breastfeeding and if I don’t have to do it, then I don’t. Once Ian’s feedings are reduced a little more and I feel like I can do other things and still keep an eye on him (he likes to be held right now, a lot) then I’ll probably start pumping more often. I’ll definitely be pumping once he gets his teeth….no more breastfeeding at that point. :)
Make sure you get some nursing tanks as well. My wardrobe at home as been as comfortable as I could make it and my nursing tank has been a godsend. I’m comfortable, I’m being held up, and Ian has easy access. I’ve only been able to find one and I would love to find more, so if you see any, let me know. Make sure you get more than two bras, because if you forget to put on any nursing pads, you’ll regret not having more. And make sure they are a cup size bigger than what you normally wear. I tried getting a bra that was my normal size and when they are filled with milk, the bra is just a bit too tight for comfort. Did you take a breastfeeding class? One thing to do before you go in to deliver, take a shower and let the water pour on your chest. Because once you have Chrispy, you won’t be able to let the shower touch your chest. If you do, you’ll be more likely to get engorged. It’s like a nice massage. Plus you can’t use any kind of soap on your chest either…Chrispy won’t like the taste of it much. :) I’ve been wearing yoga pants and a tank every day. You’ll still be wearing some of your maternity shirts even after delivery, so don’t pack them away just yet. I can’t wear all of my old shirts yet, some of them, just not all of them.
Do not count on the baby sleeping through the night prior to being 6 months old. You think that he will be and it’ll drive you crazy when he isn’t. Trust me on this. And sleeping through the night for an infant is only 5 hours at a time. It’s nothing like it is for us. And make sure you get a copy of that “No-Cry Sleep Solution” book now. Start reading it. The first four chapters are just basic common sense and a lot of it will help you once you get Chrispy home too.
Oh yeah, make sure you have a bunch of frozen dinners on hand. You’re not going to feel like cooking and neither will Chris. I spend all day with Ian, and not doing much of anything else, so when Jesse gets home, I like to pass Ian off to him and do things I either need or want to do – aka laundry, dishes, picking up, checking my email, etc. Making dinner is not one of those things. If you go in the frozen food section, there is a brand called Contessa. They are quick and easy to make, plus they are on the healthy side (compared to others). Plus if you have a crock pot, there are some crock meal in a bag stuff in the frozen food section. I know you may not like this idea, but trust me, you won’t feel like taking the time to cook. Also, clean out your fridge now. People will bring over meals for you, that all you’ll have to do is stick in the oven and bam it’s done. Mom was with us for a couple of days and she made extra of everything, so there were leftovers for us to eat. Plus she made some dinners and stuck them in the fridge so all we would have to do is cook them. So clean out your fridge now. You won’t get much of a chance once you bring a newborn home.
Whatever your preconceived notions of a newborn are, toss them out the window and don’t expect anything. If you expect it, then the opposite will happen. If you anticipate the worse, it’ll still happen but on a much grander scale just to piss you off. :) Expect the first week to be hell and you’ll survive it. I’m not saying it’s going to be hell, but if you expect that, and then if it turns out good, then you have had a positive experience.
Make sure you have a lot of one-handed foods to snack on. I don’t eat a lot during the day because it’s hard to make something while tending to Ian. Jesse says to tie one hand behind your back for a day and then you’ll get an idea of what it is going to be like.
And whatever you do, DO NOT GET IN THE HABIT OF HOLDING CHRISPY WHILE HE’S SLEEPING. Trust me, this will turn out bad. We made the mistake of holding Ian at night while he was sick and now we’re having trouble getting him to sleep in his bed at night. He only sleeps on me and I can’t sleep if he’s sleeping on me because I have to make sure I don’t roll over him or smother him or he falls off or etc. Plus, the first night, he won’t like sleeping in his bed, so expect a long night. It’s a new environment and Chrispy won’t understand so he’ll be frighten and will want to be held.
I’m told that babies can be spoiled and that they can’t be. I would say the truth lies somewhere in the middle. If you hold them too much, then they’ll expect to be held all the time. Yet, you can’t hold them enough (or set them down all the time) because you need to develop the bond (well, more so than you already have). You bond with the child while you hold them, but they can get to a point where they expect it all the time.
Also, don’t be afraid to kick people out of your recovery room. Take advantage of the nursery. I’m not sure how Oakwood does it, but Crittenton had the babies sleeping in the room with Jesse and I. We had them take Ian into the nursery the first night so we could get a full nights sleep. That will be your last night of solid sleep, so do it. Plus, if you delivery in the wee hours of the morning like I did, having a bunch of people in the room soon after can be exhausting. Jesse and I had been up pretty much 24 hours when Ian was born and then we were up for another 15 hours because people came to see Ian and hold him. It was one exhausting day and if you don’t get any rest, then it’s going to be bad once you do take Chrispy home, because you’ll definitely won’t get any sleep then. If you have to, tell the nurses to kick people out of your room if they notice that you’re getting exhausted.
Make sure you pay attention to Chris as well. You’re going to neglect him a little because you’ll be dealing with Chrispy or you’ll want to leave Chrispy with Chris and go and do something. It’ll get better with time, but he’ll be feeling neglected for a bit.
My General Advice – Part 1
017 years
I was given a lot of advice during my pregnancy (of course, I was looking for a lot of advice), so I thought I would document what I’ve discovered.
- Shirts w/mittens – I didn’t think these were all that special when the hospital put Ian in one when he was born. Since then, I’ve come to love these. Ian has a tendency to claw at his face when he starts screaming and he has even started pulling on his own hair. The mittens actually help prevent him from doing this. These things around ingenious and I wish I could find more of them. They are actually really hard to find.
- Boppy – While I’ve been told that your standard pillow works fine for nursing, I have to disagree. I’ve tried using a standard pillow but it doesn’t work as well. The thing the Boppy has going for it is that it’s a lot thicker than a lot of pillows. Breastfeeding is not luxurious, it can literally be a pain in the back. Holding an 8lb baby up to your breasts will get tiring after awhile; so you’ll get in the habit of bending over a little so you can rest him on your legs or knees or on the pillow. I found that I was having to bend over more so Ian could eat and I could still be comfortable. The other nice thing about the Boppy is you can still use it after you have switched over to formula. It can also be used for tummy time and as a recliner.
- Tummy Time & Toys – You can’t forget about tummy time. When I was registering stuff for Ian, I never once put any toys on it because I didn’t think he would appreciate them just yet. However, the doctors will tell you before you leave the hospital to make sure you put your new child on their tummy at least once a day. I found this mat/boppy set that helps Ian be on his tummy and he seems to enjoy it. It has a couple of toys attached to it that “try” and get his attention, but he’s still working on that. Just make sure that you have something to play with. He may not be able to focus on it right away, but he’ll be able to do that sooner than you think.
- Electric Pump – Don’t get a manual pump unless you don’t plan to pump. I originally wanted a manual pump because I didn’t want to waste the money on an electric. I’ve sinced come to realize that it is not a waste of money to get an electric. I mean, when using the pump, you have to maintain the same speed at your breast or it doesn’t work as well. After two minutes of trying to keep the pump going, my hand was getting tired. If you’re going to pump a lot, you’re going to get sore awfully quick. So don’t get a manual, go for the electric. (on a side note, we now have an electric pump so if anyone wants to borrow it after we’re through, it’s here. Although, you do have to get your own kit to go with it.)
- No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley – I’m still reading this book, but I do recommend it. While I haven’t gone through the actual solution, there seems to be a lot of general good advice that should be common sense. Also, she even admits that this system may not work on newborns, but it’ll help you once your child leaves the “newborn” stage and can begin getting on a schedule. Check back for my review of the book later.
In an effort not to make this a huge post, I’ll stop here for now.
My Thoughts on Nursing & the Boppy
317 years
There are a ton of reasons why mothers should breastfeed; however, there are reasons not to breastfeed as well. Granted, a lot of those reasons deal more with convenience than anything, but it’s important to know both sides. I’ve been wrestling with the idea of discontinuing Ian’s breast milk, but I haven’t made a decision yet. Either way, here are my thoughts.
Pro-Breastfeeding
One of the main reasons I like breastfeeding is it help you lose the baby weight faster. Seriously, this is not a myth. Ian was born about 4 weeks ago and I’ve already down to 205 lbs. I was 217 lbs when the doctors weighed me back in July 2006 when we first found out I was pregnant. I’ve lost 12 lbs more than I initially had! My ultimate goal is to get below 180 and if breastfeeding can help me do that, I’m going to try it.
I’ve also heard that breastfed babies are less likely to die of SIDS. Anything I can do to try and prevent this from happening to Ian, I’ll take. Like I’ve said before, there is no way to prevent SIDS, if it’s going to happen, it’ll happen; but if there is anything I can do to reduce the risk, I’m all for it.
Breastfeeding is so much cheaper than formula. A 25.7oz can of formula is $23. Granted, that makes about 31 – 6oz bottles, but if you’re lucky, that’s a weeks worth of formula. Although, I have thought about this, and if it only costs $23 a week for formula, than that isn’t too bad considering that Jesse and I can spend that on one meal. However, Ian is only taking about 4oz of formula at the moment and that amount is going to start increasing soon. I mean, they don’t make those 10oz bottles for nothing, right.
There are a bunch of other reasons why to breastfeed, these are just the top three in my opinion.
Pro-Bottle Feeding
It takes half the time to bottle feed Ian as it does to breastfeed him. I can spend 40 minutes to breastfeed him or I can spend 10-20 minutes giving him a bottle. At 3am in the morning, how much time would you want to feed him?
I know how much he is getting. For all I know, he’s only getting about 3oz of breast milk out of me, but if I just gave him 4oz from a bottle, than I know he’s getting 4oz. There is no guess work to it.
It can be very inconvenient to bare a breast depending on what you’re wearing. Tank tops and yoga pants have been my fashion statement since Ian was born. It’s a lot easier to feed Ian in a tank top than a pull over shirt. Button down shirts are fine, but not to wear around the house.
The Boppy
If you’re going to breastfeed, I strongly recommend getting one of these. I know I know, a pillow that you already own would work too, but it wouldn’t work as well. The thing the Boppy has going for it is that it’s a lot thicker than a lot of pillows. If you have the same problem I do (large breasts), then you definitely want to get one of these. Breastfeeding is not luxurious, it can literally be a pain in the back. Since it does take a while to breastfeed, you want to make sure you’re comfortable and holding an 8lb baby up to your breasts will get tiring after awhile; so you’ll get in the habit of bending over a little so you can rest him on your legs or knees or on the pillow. By having the Boppy, you don’t have to bend over as far. Sorry if I’m sounding like a commercial, but I’ve used a pillow when my Boppy wasn’t nearby and I found that I was having to bend over more so Ian could eat and I could still be comfortable (although honestly, it’s not really that comfortable bending over, but it’s more comfortable than holding him to my breast for a long period of time).
The other nice thing about the Boppy is you can still use it after you have switched over to formula. It can also be used for tummy time and as a recliner for Ian. Obviously not at the moment, but once he outgrows the one he has now, I’ll still be able to use it to help prop him up or to give him leverage while he’s on his tummy. It’s very versatile. Alright, I’m done with the advertising. :)
In conclusion…
I’m still breastfeeding and the plan is to continue until Ian is 6 months old or starts getting his teeth in. There are definitely times when I think this will be it for breastfeeding, but I can’t get past the positive aspects of it. If it’ll help me get to the weight I want to be, if it’ll help reduce the chance of SIDS and allergies, etc etc, than I’m going to keep doing it. The reasons going against breastfeeding just do not stack up against the reasons for breastfeeding. So for now, I’m going with the sore nipples.
Mother’s POV
017 years
by Jaxon
in Mother's POV
Jesse has already put up his own Father’s POV and there is no reason why I can’t do a Mother’s POV. Afterall, there is always two sides to every story. Since I’m just starting, I’m going to start at the beginning.
Pregnancy:
I had probably one of the easiest pregnancies. I never had any weird cravings, morning sickness was just a phrase that people said was associated with pregnancy, and I really didn’t have too many mood swings (although Jesse might disagree). I was a little thirstier than normal, ate a bit more frequently, and actually got some really good sleep. I never really felt pregnant until the last month and even then it was more of a “can we get this over with already”. So all in all, pregnancy definitely depends on the individual and their support person. I truly believe that I had such an easy time because Jesse was always there with me. He went to all the OB checkups, he made sure I ate and was taking care of myself, and was generally there when I needed him.
Labor & Delivery:
I don’t care what anyone says….labor is a pain in the ass. Granted, it’s what the entire 10 months are all for, but it’s still not what you’re expecting. You always hear/see stories of what happens when your water breaks, but honestly, the gushing affect only happens in about 2% of pregnant women (according to Doc Z). I was one of the lucky 2% and knew exactly when my water broke; especially considering I haven’t wet my pants in over 26 years. That’s what it is like. One minute you’re sitting on the couch watching the Sci-Fi channel and the next you’re running to the bathroom because you’ve just soaked the couch.
While I was probably in labor all day, I didn’t really start feeling it until that night when my water broke. Then it became the biggest pain in my back. Literally. Try having contractions every 2 minutes in the middle of your back and not being able to do anything to relieve the pain. I was so uncomfortable that it hurt to just sit still. I tried sitting up, laying down, standing, leaning on Jesse, everything and nothing worked until they told me I could have the epidural – and that’s when it got worse. Yes, the epidural is your friend, once it’s in. The anesthetist who was inserting the epidural tried about 10 times before he finally hit pay dirt. I wish I could say that he did it within a few minutes, but it took him over 30 minutes to find it and during the entire time I was still having contractions every 2 minutes. While he was working, I couldn’t move, even if a contraction was there. That made the labor pain even worse because I couldn’t alleviate it at all. Even though it was the worst part of labor (getting the epidural), once it was in, I was flying high. There was no pain, I could sleep, and Jesse was even able to play Diablo on his laptop. Pushing Ian out only took me about 45 minutes and it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Of course, that was probably due to the epidural. Either way, make sure you want the epidural before you get it. Don’t get it just because it’s there and you “might” need it.
Do not be afraid of an episiotomy – it won’t hurt when they do it. Oh no, it’ll hurt once the epidural and painkillers wear off.
Recovery:
This is the point where Jesse’s POV picks up. I’ve been hearing a lot of how people have been hurt by his posts. All I can say is deal with it. I know he shouldn’t have singled anyone out and normally I would have caught that before it was up for so long; but seriously, have you tried watching your wife go through back labor and push a watermelon out of her butt while knowing there is nothing you can do to help her but be there. At the time Ian was born, both of us had been up for close to 24 hours. During the pregnancy classes, the instructor said one very important thing that neither Jesse nor I remembered at the time – don’t let family stay too long…they are not going to realize that you’re tired because they are concentrating on the new addition. My family should know me by now and that fact that I won’t kick them out if they are there. Especially if they drove a long way, but honestly, how could people think that Jesse and I wouldn’t be exhausted and wouldn’t want to sleep. It doesn’t take a mind reader to know that after 24 hours of labor, delivery, and recovery, that a person might want to sleep. If you couldn’t tell by now, I’m saying my husband was completely right in everything he said in his posts. Looking back, we should have kicked people out sooner than what we did and that is our fault. But at the same time, remember when it’s your turn to have a baby – you’re not going to be up for entertaining people while they see the baby, so don’t even try.
A Newborn:
I don’t care what people say…living with a newborn is not the single most wondrous experience of a person’s life. It can be sheer hell. New parents have it made the first couple of days because they are in the hospital and have the nursing staff there to help; but once you get the little bundle of joy home, the gloves come off. Crying and sleeping are all they do the first couple of days because they are still trying to get used to their bodies in the open air. They won’t sleep through the night and trying to get them to go back to sleep can be frustrating. It’s not as easy as everyone says. All the stories you hear only highlight the positive and minor setbacks, but those stories are only about 20% of the whole experience. Think about everything anyone has ever said to you about a baby, then double it and then quadruple it and then you’ll have the truth. Don’t get me wrong, having a child is a wondrous experience, just not right away. The lack of sleep and frustration of trying to read your baby’s cries will mount up and slowly take you over. There will come a time when you’ll need to breakdown and admit “what the hell have I done” before it’s going to get better. I’m only in week three of Ian’s life and it is obviously getting better; but I have had one breakdown and I know there’ll be more. Your life will change, your routine will change; but in the end, everything will get back to normal and it’ll be worth it in the end. That is the single most important goal within the first few weeks of having a newborn – get through the first couple of months, get your child on a sleep schedule, and everything will be fine. If you don’t think like that, you’ll only get frustrated even more and will slowly drive yourself crazy.
With a newborn, there is always the chance of SIDS. Me, personally, I do not fear SIDS. If it is going to happen, it’ll happen. There is nothing I can do to prevent it from happening. There are things I can do, and I am doing, that lower the chance of it, but there is nothing out there that will prevent it. The one thing I do fear – living without Ian. No matter what we’re going through at the moment, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Well, maybe a few more hours of sleep, but I wouldn’t give Ian up for anything. I don’t regret having him and I can’t wait until we get everything worked out.